Closeness in Clubhouse Relationships

By India Ely

Because of my family background, I was institutionalized basically from the age of 14 until I was 27 years old. I had no friends at all; the only people I related to were psychiatrists. Those were the only people I had as friends.

I remember that about a week after I got to Fountain House, a staff member took me out for coffee. Now when I was in another program and the staff member did the same thing, he said if we were caught she would be fired. So when I was having coffee with the staff member, I was looking out the window saying," Oh my God, she‰s going to get fired from Fountain House, she‰s going to lose her job, oh my god," but nothing happened.

Then there was another staff member on the unit I work on that I‰ve become very close to and is sitting in this audience. I‰m not sure if I‰m going to point him out; a lot of people know who he is. He was assigned to be my staff worker and, you know, I started sitting around with other members. I was a little confused because I had been in a traditional day treatment program, and I thought: "What‰s going on?" He gave me his phone number; I felt nervous and thought," What am I going to do with this phone number? Does he really want me to call him at home?" And so a couple of times I would call and I would hang up because I wasn‰t really sure whether he really wanted me to call him. I was totally confused because this had never happened. I‰d been in traditional programs where you would never give a phone number out to a client. So, I‰m sorry, Tom. You may have gotten some calls that were me hanging up on you.

We have a farm at Highpoint, New Jersey, where staff workers and members from Fountain House live very closely together. We cook together and clean together; I got to see Tom in a bathrobe, which is a crummy plaid that he rescued out of a garbage can. Actually, most of his clothes are supplied by me and the Thrift Shop. Together, we manage to keep him clothed.

I work at a placement with him 3 days a week, too, so we became even closer. We also do a lot of colleague training groups together, and I was very nervous because I know that a lot of members have jealousy and rumors are floating around about what was going on between India and Tom. I thought," Oh God," and for a while I backed off; I thought," O God, there is going to be a scandal or something if I continue like this."

One day Tom called me and he said to me in a conversation that I was a friend; he felt that I was part of his family, and he loved me. I had never heard those words even from my own parents. I remember when I got off the phone I was jumping around like a kid and saying," Oh my God, I have a friend!" I called my brother, who always thinks I‰m on the verge of a breakdown, and said," Zeb, guess what? Tom said that I‰m his friend!" He said," Oh!Are you sure you‰re all right?" I laughed at him and was very sarcastic to him.

I have a serious form of depression and Iëve tried to take my life many times. Usually, when I call my psychiatrist and I‰m upset, he tells me to take some extra medication. But when I call Tom, he doesn‰t say that; he says," India, if you should do something to yourself, I would be so devastated. You mean a lot to me."

That‰s all I really have to say, that he‰s always been there for me. It‰s been a moving experience. I know there‰s been a lot of controversy regarding staff and member relations, but I really have a friend now.